2017/01/10, 9:59 PM
page 10. January. Toughen Up.
I've been telling myself countless times to let myself loose, to not be so hard on myself and to make sure that I'm not affected by anything unpleasant at all.
I've told myself that this world is huge, not everyone is going to be nice to you, not everyone is going to be kind to you, you only have yourself to prove to and that's all you need to do.
I've reminded myself that everything that I ever need to do is to make sure that I don't do things I'll regret in the future. I've told myself to let whatever others say go, that they could do everything to harm you but you only have yourself to protect.
And I am my own responsibility at the end of the day. Whatever image I project, whatever feelings that are marinating within me, they are all mine to protect.
This had been a very tough day for me -- a day where I could think of nothing but my own worthlessness, a day where I think that everything that could've ever happened to me is nothing but self-inflicting. And it's true. I'm not as great as everyone thinks I am and I am the only person who knows the reality.
I keep everything to myself -- this pent-up frustration -- and all that I've ever wanted to do is to make sure that I have a place for myself to feel comfortable at the end of the day.
I need to keep myself in check. I need to be sure of what I am, what I really want, and what I want to become.
And by this -- I need to keep moving, and keep becoming better; in becoming a person who knows what ignorance is bliss means.
2016/07/11, 5:38 PM
page 11. july. realisations
Have you ever just sit and reflect on your life sometimes and feel that you are actually nothing impressive and that you are simply wasting your life living in a fairytale you created for yourself?
Have you ever just wondered how self-indulging, how selfish and how self-centred you are that you are merely drowning yourself without you yourself realising?
Have you ever thought that you are nothing good and that you are simply just another human being trying to justify yourself, trying to tell yourself that you are good enough when you are merely living in a delusional environment you created for yourself.
Have you ever realised how you'd lost sight of the world around you when you're deluged in your own world, realising that everything is moving but you're still here, by yourself, being yourself, with nothing but yourself as your own support?
2013/03/28, 9:39 PM
Page 28. March. Tiny Bits
I apologise for the very long hiatus *blowing off dust* It has been a very busy life since January and even now, I'm taking five off to update a bit on what I've been up to all these while.
First off, uni life is proceeding as usual. The same ol' stuff; the same ol' drama. To be honest, I'm kinda tired with it already. Perhaps this is what you get after you have been studying continuously for more than decades; or perhaps it's just my personality. I can never stay in the same place for a very long time. It bores me. And that perhaps why I tend to fall into things that can give me a lot of variations. Long story short, it's extremely boring to be exposed to what you had went through over and over and over again you start to feel that it's a waste of your time being here.
I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one feeling this way
Secondly, I think some may realize that my network has been expanding in a tremendous speed these days. The moment I decided to step into the C industry, I'm already well-prepared to face all sorts of obstacles (drama, drama, drama) and also a lot of support from anyone and everyone. To be honest, I'm really a lucky person. I've met people who had supported me along the way; who give me great advice; and who are sincere when they treat me. It's a comfortable zone, I have to admit. And I'm really glad :')
Will update more when I have more time. Now back to work :)
2013/01/06, 2:07 AM
Page 6. January. Ze 2013 Focuses
My first 2013 blog plost.
One of those things I have in mind for 2013 is to update my blogs more frequently. So far, the new year has been treating me fairly good. Although I'm currently on my semester break
for three months, I am still busy with all kinds of stuff which keep me meaningfully occupied. I would say these are all good turns and changes of atmosphere to keep myself going. By the way, I just peeked at what the horoscope has to say about my personality. Not that I'm an awesomely superstitious person but these things are quite interesting if you take them as references and reflections of yourself. It appears that the horse will never stop at one place for long. Hyperactive would not be the right word. I would say that I'm rather versatile. It's not that I do not like to stay at one place for too long but I would rather be doing different things at different times so that I can be exposed to new things more frequently. I just can't stay still and not move, you see. Yeah, so that pretty much explains why this year would be a rather complicated year for me. Explain that later ;)
First of all, my new year has been occupied by meetups and meetups and more meetups with friends I cherish and friends who treasure my existence in their lives. I almost lost count of how many times I had met up with my high school besties, my juniors, and of course, my college/current besties. I believe later on my communities will expand further because I've decided to venture into more stuff that I am interested in. But I would let you witness the changes rather than telling you what to expect now. Now then, if you are interested, continue reading my blog *hints*
Trust me, I would love to update more on these meetups but I'm still waiting for good pictures. Blame me for not flashing around like crazy because there were just too many cameras. I myself is eagerly waiting for more photos. Thus, today's post will be mainly on an overview of my 2013 focuses and also a small update on today's happening.
To be honest, I can feel that this year would be a life-changing year for me. There would be three main focuses for me this year:
The March semester will be final semester and I will make sure that I end my degree term with a complete and fantastic full stop. So far, luck has always been at my side and I do not intend to rely on it any longer. Especially not in the final semester. Degree has been kind to me. In fact, I feel that everything and everyone has been kind to me. I greatly appreciate that. I, however, have not been kind to myself. A perfectionist will always be a perfectionist. And here is one perfectionist that you would rather not offend. The fact is that I always do my best so that I won't disappoint myself; and another fact is that I really love what I'm doing; thus, it became a strong push for me to continue achieving greater heights. Next semester, I'll own it.
And then, August will mark the end of my degree life. Right next up would be a whole long career pathway waiting for me. I intend to achieve more. I do not intend to achieve what others expect me to achieve. That's not a word trick. That's a teaser of what I'm planning to do after I graduate. I want to do something that I really enjoy. Something that is not defined by the social norms. Something that others will never expect me to do. And something that I can call it a career instead of work. I'm not sure (and am not gonna reveal) what I will be doing next but I assure you that if I am to settle down with a job, that's because I know I'm gonna enjoy it. That's really it. Choosing a career can be harsh. A lot of people tend to fall into the trap of well-defined social norms. But I will definitely not be one of those people who fall. You be my witness, okay? :)
And finally, this is a major decision made. This year, I finally set my foot into this interesting community. When I say interesting, it can be a positive or a negative term. But as long as I do not stick my nose into irrelevant businesses, I think this would be one of my major life highlights. I am extremely grateful to have known great senpais (both cosplayer and cosplay photographers) who had taught me so much and had supported me to venture into this path. I am also extremely grateful to have known new friends who not only support me but also constantly trying to help me and involve me in all sorts of highlights in the community. A huge thank you to all of you (you know who you are) *bows*
Many would think that my decision to venture into this community is a huge mistake. You know what they say - waste of time, childish, waste of money, etc. But I'm not gonna care, honestly. Ever since I venture into this hobby, I've become more disciplined and responsible; I've learned how to make handcrafts and props from everyday's materials; I've learned how to sew; I've learned how to become a more transparent person. I've learned so much that you can never, ever imagined. However, I've also learned how to be a more respectful person. Because once you decide to cosplay a character, you officially wear the brand. Your responsible becomes heavier when you are cosplaying a well-known character because - I really hate this - you should never taint the brand and you should never ever disappoint the fans of the brand. I feel that it's kinda connected with what I have been learning all this time.
But of course, one of the most important reasons - apart from the ones stated above - for me to venture into this path is because I really want to honor the hard and marvelous works of these underrated people who had worked so hard to produce such awesome titles which had influenced the lives of many, including me. I know this is a rare hobby, but I'm prepared to indulge in it and to honor all the efforts that had been put into each and every titles and characters. They are too underrated, and all of them deserve to be put under the limelight. I, of course, will try my very best not to disgrace them and to perform the best I can ever give out. So yeah, you would expect to see a lot of my different styles this year. I'm pretty excited about this, to be honest :D
Actually, I wanted to update about today's happening. But this post is becoming too long, so I shall leave that to another post. Till then! :)
2012/12/31, 10:58 PM
Page 31. December. Courageous Full Stop
Are you expecting this post?
Ahoy! To cut this post short - 2012 is an awesome year and I'm expecting 2013 to be a better one. 2012, a year which I made a few courageous steps out of my own comfort zone; a year which I finally have enough courage to do things I really want to do; and a year which I am more true to myself. My previous posts are always about rants on how social norms tie one down; but I am really proud to say that this year, I'm gonna push social norms down (in a good way, of course).
If you are to ask me exactly what steps have I taken, honestly speaking, it wouldn't be easy for me to answer you. Reason being this questions is unanswerable. And I really meant it. Because you are not in my shoe, so perhaps my point of view may not be similar to yours. But nevertheless, I'm still extremely glad that I've made all the decisions I've made. No matter what you may think of me, let's just leave it that way, shall we? :)
Everything has been proceeding really well. I've started to sort out my priorities and as you would had predicted, the question lies at how am I going to juggle between these different priorities in the same time? And I'm here to tell you that - I did it. No matter what others may think of me, I'm really proud of myself and I intend to make my family and everyone who supports me proud of me as well. The moment when you realized you are stepping into a new dimension of life, trust me, it's such a fantastic feeling that you feel that this is what it's meant to be.
So for this year, one important lesson I learned was - do what makes you happy, don't let others perceptions and decisions of yours make you do otherwise. That's really important, ya know? ;)
Last but not least,
Happy New Year
and have a blessed year ahead! :)
2012/12/03, 12:54 PM
Page 3. December. Pre-Finals
It had been a long, long month. Nevertheless, it was (again) a fruitful one :) To be honest, both of my October & November swift through like a drag. Or rather, I didn't realize time pass and the moment when December arrives, I felt a rush of sweet & sour.
December is undoubtedly a month of winter. At least that's how I perceive it. And I absolutely love winter. To be honest, I got no idea why. Perhaps it's the whiteness, or the chills? But to experience winter and the other four seasons is always a dream of mine. I love spring too! And autumn, then summer. But I also know that I have to keep myself healthy first before I can thoroughly enjoy all these seasons. Imagine the change of seasons and your body has to accommodate to the changes. So now, I shall eat healthy and lead a healthier life.
Studies have been a roller-coaster ride. Well, kinda expected for a final year. But am still standing firm to my beliefs and doing things that I absolutely love. I mean, what's the point of deciding on doing something which you know will give you hell? Call me stubborn but that's how I work. Honestly speaking, isn't that the whole point? Man, I'm blabbing again.
But other than studies, everything else is progressing with a satisfactory speed. Picked up a new hobby; and learning how to transfer funds online is not even a joke. Self-control, self-control. Thus, am going to work more, spend more, play more, and most importantly, have fun. That's the whole point of life, isn't it?
Alright. So well, this is actually a pre-finals post. I shall now dive back in the sea of finals once more.
Good day! ;)
p/s: So apparently, the world is going to end in another 18 days. Have you been true to yourself all this while?
2012/11/03, 12:24 AM
Page 3. November. Reminiscence.
Browsing through the high school year book gives me a very nostalgic feeling. It has been four years since I left my high school. Four years only? It feels like forever to me. I miss my high school life dearly. I was never the prettiest nor the most famous person in school (actually I don't really care but you have to admit it, sometimes you got caught up in those dramas) but I know I was definitely one of the happiest person in school.
I remember myself being surrounded by happiness and kindness everyday. There were people who are genuinely concerned about you no matter who you are.
It's hard to believe that things had changed so abruptly today. They said high school life is probably one of the best memories you will obtain in your entire life. I've got absolutely no doubt on that.
2012/10/01, 12:41 AM
Page 1. October. Null.
It's been a month since the last post. I've been terribly busy so I'm really sorry for the lack of updates. This is indeed, another short update. Do bear with me *runs*
Anyhow, there's only one thing I would like to say in this post: -
I'm definitely eligible but I'm still waiting for a better chance. Because all the opportunities that came would serve little to no steps for me to reach that ultimate goal.
That's really it.
I was blessed enough to be able to represent my uni for an inspiring talk by a great speaker. And this is what I learned from her. Focus, focus, focus
. Nothing is impossible if you stay loyal to your passion. Don't get distracted, no matter how good the offer is. Because your passion is where your happiness lies.
I really love this idea. And I'm more firmed now that I've made the right decision all along ;)
Welcome to my ranting ground. I write what I feel and I say what I think.
Enjoy your visit here and if there's any technical difficulties, feel free to mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Hey! I am Su Wern
. 22nd January
is my special day.
I am currently a Communication & Media Studies
student, which is the most happening industry one can ever imagine :D
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11 Facts about Me:
1.) I am UNPREDICTABLE
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4.) My main motivation
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7.) I fear the sea
8.) I am very possessive
9.) I am stubborn
10.) I often think too much
11.) I am very protective
towards people I love.
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