Last year today, sadly, I was not in Subang Jaya, not even in Selangor. I was in Kuala Kangsar, Perak, being part of the members of National Service. I was in the first batch and I had been there since 27th December 2008 all the way through New Year.



I was really grateful to my family, especially my dad, to be so concerned towards me when I was in the camp. He was always there when I needed something, he was always the person who is willing to listen to all my complaints while my mom will just ignored what I said and claimed that I will get used to it in a blink of an eye. Not forgetting that my family had travelled so far from Selangor to Perak every single week just to visit me for a pathetic 5 hours. Can you imagine how much they have to spend on the petrol and other stuffs? My dad told me the expenses for petrol and tolls for the whole 3 months were around RM 1200. Oh gosh. I am so touched. It's like telling me that my family will always be with me no matter what happened. Although I had told them that it's okay for the to not to visit me every week but my dad insisted to. He kinda understand the situation I was in and admitted himself that if he was in my situation, he can't even stand it for a week (>.<)

The whole NS journey was very meaningful, although it was filled with more bitter moments than sweet moments but it really taught me lots and lots of meaningful lessons. Not forgetting the people and friends I met in the camp, which allowed me to see more types of people with different thinking, different opinion and different personalities, different from the people I used to see in my own place.





































I was like being in another world when I was in the camp. It changed my view on life completely. It changed me as well. Anyhow, I am still grateful that I attended the camp. It changed me into a better person =)

Lesson Learnt : Don't think that you know everything around you. I am talking about people here. Human is a much more complicated organism then you can ever imagine. Sometimes you can't really judge a person from his/her appearance. Everything is always out of your expectation. Don't conclude what you see when you first make contact with it. It always prove you wrong (>.<) And, I learnt to be a much tougher person. Mentally and physically. Somehow, I became more open-minded =)

Read more about my National Service experience here :
a) Break From NS
b) Days in NS

Next was college enrolment. Decided to go for Inti cause it have me and my parents good impression =) So instead of waiting to rot till May, I decided to join the BEP (Bridging English Programme), which was a one month class. And from there, I met more people (which eventually changed my life as well) and learned more things =)


























And from this one month, I learned more ways to communicate, interact and socialise with people. Different people have different ways to socialise with, although I am still not good with it but I am improving =) I learned how to speak more, stand out more and expressed more. It was yet another great experience, especially those people I met, who gave me a great impression towards the coming official college life ^.^


Read more about this here : Farewell Party of Group 2

Next was the starting of college. Yeah, the official start of college. I went into the college with full hip of confidence, never thought of excelling in class but just wanted to do my best in everything, never want to let my parents down and I wanted to prove to everyone, who seemed to look at me one kind when they knew that I was enrolled in a Mass Communication course, that I am doing the right choice. I was very determined. Telling myself again and again, be serious and NO relationship *mark that lol*.

First semester was pretty well. It was a time to get use to everything. Assignments, lessons, lecturers, classmates, environment, projects etc. I really did try my best in everything. People who were in the same group of me during the first semester would know how harsh I was when we were dealing with assignments and projects (>.<) But they gave me their full support. We gave in our best in everything we do. They endured my attitude problem all the time without complaining about me. Looking back, I felt myself lucky and grateful to had met these people. It was a fun time hanging around together during our ups and downs. Somehow, we managed to make something serious to blend in with fun moments so that to decrease our tension and stress level XD I would say, the group I am in now is the best group I had ever worked with in my whole life =)

And thus, college was also the place where I met someone who eventually changed my whole life so rapidly that I can never ever imagine it to happen (>.<) Through bonds and connections made, somehow, among all the people, I have no idea how we were and still so attracted to each other. It was like there's a special spotlight shining at this person whereas we are still in a group. It was a kinda fantastic thing, in my opinion. How amazing it is to get attracted to a person who I seldom talk to, but care so much for. And this is how, I met Ng Kok Han and decided that I won't get any luckier than this anymore in my lifetime. He is the only person who can really understand, considerate and really care for me a lot. He is the only person who can tolerate with me and also the only person who is always enduring with all my problems(>.<). If it's others, I think they will just ignore me straightaway T.T It's like magic. I am truly grateful for it =)

Apart from that, I got a close bond with the elder pet brother Ivan, who always blend in with whatever I say, helped me and supported me all the way through college life.

22nd December 2009 (Tuesday)

It was a special day. Yeah I want to make it straight without any turnings here and day hehe. This is for you, my darling tomato (>///<). When I realised it had been 2 months since it happened, a lot of things had been running through my mind. I felt a lot of emotions arousing in me. Unbelievable. Dream-like. Shy. But the most important thing is, I felt so awfully happy to realise that it is indeed the reality. I used to think that I don't deserve anyone cause I always claim myself as being a sinful person and that even if I am fated to stay alone for the rest of my life, I won't really blame anyone for anything. So when the time I realised that I paid extra attention to you and I cared about you so much more than how I did for others, I realised that something's changing.

I was afraid to convince myself that I had fall into a feeling that I was not supposed to. Because to me, from how I see you, you are such a sweetie and for me, you are such a nice guy, or rather the nicest guy I had ever met. For me, a guy like you is like near extinction, believe it or not. My first impression of you was friendly and random. When we first met and talked to each other in class, I always wanted to talk to you but I was scared and shy, as usual, like I always told you, I was not good in socialising with people, or maybe, I can be considered as a person with communication failure. I was afraid that, if I accidentally said something which will hurt you, I will feel so awfully bad.

Then we got to know each other more. We started to team up for project, although it was only one in semester 1 but it was a good start, am I right? *winks* We got close to each other. During the 2 weeks holiday, it was a sudden rapid change between our relationship, or so I might be the only one who thought it was. We seldom talk to each other on MSN, seldom send each other messages and never did we meet up. But somehow, it was not an unfamiliar feeling between us. I kept on feeling like there's something between us. Something which I can't really explain what it was.

However, I think semester 2 was the time when everything really progressed rapidly. We got so close that we were almost always together during college time, although we were never alone together. I still got the feeling of wanting to help you as much as I could, wanting to care for you as much as I could. It's like, I don't mind wasting my time to help you. We teamed up in most of our assignments and we really did get close. It began to turn into an awkward feeling. I was and am always happy and comfortable when I talk to you. You make me happy and you make me to be able to be myself in front of you. That's the best I can hope for. Then, lots of things started to happen between us. We experienced lots of memorable days together and it was then that I had confirmed my feelings but I dare not put high hopes in it, fearing that it might bring huge disappointment to me as well.

Until 22nd of the certain month. I was planning to put down all my hopes and started to think calmly and started to convince myself that it won't work out. Yes, it was very hurtful but I knew it's for the best. You deserve someone better. Someone so pure, so kind-hearted, so caring and so good like you should have someone better than me. It was then when you suddenly contacted me. It was like a 360 degrees change of emotion. I was so afraid yet so happy and yet so shocked. It was like a dream. And still I didn't dare to put my hopes high. But yes, it happened.

Now, you are the best thing ever in my life. You are the only person who listens and talks to me when I am experiencing emotional downs. You are the only person who gave me confidence. You are the only person who make me a more positive person. You are the only person who I can really trust and depend on. You are the only person who can give me the secure and comfortable feeling when I am with you. You are the only person who really understands. You are the only person who can make me happy. You are the only person who make me believe that I am still eligible to love somone.

I always think that I don't deserve someone like you. But now, I know that I love you and I want to make you happy. I want to take care of you and help you as much as I can. As long as you are happy, I am fine with everything =) Always remember that darling. There is no way I will let go of someone like you. You make me believe in happy endings. And I promise I will always be with you until the day you find someone better than me. I am sorry for all the trouble I gave you and all my rudeness you have to endure with. Thanks for everything you had done for me. I love you, my darling dear Ng Kok Han.

I am still experiencing emotional down now. No matter what I do, who I talk to, it only heals for a while and then it will come back once I stop talking to people. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I MISS YOU NOW! I feel like half my soul had followed you to Singapore T.T For the first time in my life, I am feeling so super duper lonely. Now I know exactly how you felt last time. When I called you and once I heard your voice, I nearly teared. I felt like my heart is being teared into half. I realised my whole brain became blank but when I knew it was time to bid farewell and put down the phone, I just tried to keep on ignoring the invisible signal. I never felt like that before in my lifetime, honestly. But I know that no matter what, I want you to have fun and enjoy yourself as much as you can when you are there. I can't wait for you to come back and I can't wait for you to poke me on Facebook again. I really really miss you so awfully much. It's like losing my most precious stuff. See, you made me write all these here. How laaaa are you going to take responsible for this? *wails* And another thing I realised is that, I never feel so happy talking to you compared to any other person =) Anyway, seriously no matter what, everything is fine here. No need to worry much about me cause everything will be fine. Take care, enjoy, have fun. Always in my mind =)