I should consider blogging in point forms. Head is so messy right now I think I am going to get coma soon =S

Today was really a rushing + tiring day. Rushed back to my hometown early in the morning to visit my grandma, who's currently in the hospital. She just went through a leg operation and is still in ICU. We reached there earlier than the visit time. Apparently, my grandma has to go through another operation, which will be conducted today afternoon apprarently, the metal in her leg got loose and the operation will attach the metal back to her leg. However, after my dad talked to the surgeons who will be conducting the operation, we found out that things are not as simple as we thought.

The surgeon told my dad that the risk for the operation is very high although it's only a leg operation. Because, to conduct the operation, they will have to apply anesthetic on her. There's risk because the surgeon said that my grandma had a very weak heart, which means if her heart can't take the anesthetic, she will either have a heart attack or her heart will just stop like that.

I was really shocked when I heard this from my parents. It's just a leg operation, how come it will end up like this? We tried to delay the operation but the surgeon insisted us to continue on with it because the loose metal will actually cause more suffering and pain for my grandma. Besides, if the flesh reattaches back to her leg, it will be even harder to conduct the operation. Really leaves us with no choice at all =/

We went back to my grandparent's house after that. My dad was so worried since he came back from the hospital. He did not talk much to us and he kept on spacing out. Seeing this made me worried as well. I approached him and talked to him and he told me that he's really worried. After a short pause, he further told me that his mind is really messy and confused. I know he was trying hard to figure out the best solution for the problem but there's just nothing we can do.

After that, we went to pray in the temple. I really hope that the operation will be a successful one. There is nothing me and my family can do except for praying. My dad told us to pray hard. We wanted to pray grandpa but the place was closed when we went there.

Now I am back in Subang. My grandma is still undergoing operation. My whole family is waiting for the phone call from my hometown. It's indeed a very tense moment. It's already late but still no phone calls from anyone, means that the operation is not finished yet. Again, really, just, I just hope everything will be fine *prays*


p/s : Apparently, I became committee for Mass Comm Day as Asst. Fundraising Officer. I take this as another great chance to improve myself =) Thanks for the chance *smiles*

Suddenly got the urge to update blog. Eh? Not update lar, write something in the blog, to be exact. Hehe. I realised life's is going on well lately. Not exactly excellent but at least it's less bumpy. Today is a fruitful day. Just a small update kay. I had been having the radio as my company for the whole night while working on stuff. Nope I don't have a radio in my room and my MP3 is so exhausted it refused to open so I have to recharge it. Instead, I am using online streaming, which, with the radio on, I felt like my room had changed into some outdoor place. Seriously you know. I found another way of keeping me staying focus, concentrate on things and in the same time, no stress. I am in a really good mood for the whole day. Somehow I got more confidence. Just don't know why.

I am going back to my hometown tomorrow. A one-day-journey. Rushing yes. But that's not my decision. So I will go back tomorrow and come back tomorrow also. So that means I got Saturday's night and Sunday whole day free. Hehe. That's all lar. Nothing much to update actually. Just suddenly feel like writing =)

I felt like I just grew up. Last week was the worst week to start a new year, I felt like it would never get better and that I must have preparation for whatever that will be happening in the next 11 months. But now, somehow, I feel like everything's gonna be okay. We will survive. And not only that, we will excel. Taste bitterness before you can get the sweetness. This is just life. And it's only once. What matters most is yourself, yourself and yourself. Your thinking counts. It's hard to deal with it, yup. But no matter what, you still have to deal with it.

I grew up! I started to learn bout more things. New things about life. It's like, suddenly everything is clear to me. Somehow I think I managed to see through things. Not trying to brag but it's such a wonderful and awesome experience that I got no regrets going through it. Yes it was tough. Like facing hell. But the after-effect is just, fruitful.

I see things differently now. I felt like turning into a new leaf but somehow, certain parts of me still remain. I understand more things now. And one thing I know is, only you yourself can make an impact to yourself. It's easy to say, very hard to actually take out action. As usual, huh? But then, you still have to go through it. It's just unavoidable.

I am a lot more happier now. I don't see stress and stress anymore. I don't see tension as tension anymore. Frustration? Yes, it still remains. One thing that I can never manage to change. But I'm still changing. Being a positive person makes me happier. I manage to make people smile =) I manage to socialise with people better. To me, this is such a big huge achievement. But I am still learning. There are so much more to learn out there.

I feel the eagerness in me to explore more. I like to see people smile and laugh. I like to listen to people talking happily to each other. I love to see joy in people. Now, no matter what. I will still smile. I will still continue helping. If what I do can install joy in people, I don't mind doing it at all.

I am only 19. There's still a long way for me to walk on. I will be facing things that are much more tougher than these in the future. Now, I am still able to stand up and make people happy. I don't know about the future and I don't want to know about it. I just want to do what I can do now and make sure it will turn out the best. Life is not meant to be easy. Always plant that in your mind. As long as you try your best, and with no regrets, it's good enough =)

Stay happy. Because, even though sometimes smiling doesn't mean that you are happy, who knows your smile might make others happy? Or maybe, your source of happiness might just be your smile =D

Everything seems to be twisted this year. Before I go to sleep every night, I pray as hard as I can to have a better day the next day. I vow to be strong for the next day but every time, I woke up finding more bad news coming my way. Everything is awfully out of shape. What exactly is happening? Is it just me or it is happening to everyone as well? I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days. Either I just couldn't sleep or I was woke up by nightmares. It was really mentally torturing. Seriously. I am so scared, so worried and so anxious about what am I going to face on the next day. And when I feel so, I will start praying again.

I feel like driving all the way up to my temple and ask : What's exactly going on in our world? Is is a challenge? Or is it a punishment? If so, what should I do to overcome it or to atone the sin I had commited. I don't mind if everything is happening to me alone but I mind a lot when it happens to others. It is very torturing and very suffering. I had never feel that miserable in my whole life. Without any solutions, I am so helpless and feeling so useless to everything that's happening now. The most I can do is just pray and lending my help to whoever who needs it. That's all I can do. Please, someone please tell me, what else can I do to make the situation better? What else can I do to make everyone happy again? And what else can I do to stop more bad things from happening?

Waking up in the morning seems to become another nightmare now. Again and again, every single day, I am flooded with more negative stuffs. No preparation at all. Sudden news that came. I wonder how long more can I withstand everything? How long more can I remain positive? How long more can I continue standing up and say "I'm okay"?

I desperately need a solution right now. I had been crying in my dream yesterday. I said I am not going to break down but everything that's happening seems to test my limit.

Please, do take care of yourself, your family and your friends. I don't want to see more suffering anymore. Honestly, I am scared. VERY scared. Take care.


I dreamt of you yesterday. And I cried my lungs out. I am scared. Very.

I turned 19 yesterday. So old, yes, I know. I don't even look that old (?) but yeah. Birthdays are really not that special to me. Although people tend to convince me that it is a special day cause it's the day I was given a chance to be borned in this world, but somehow, for me it is just another day. It used to be very important to me, but then, when time goes by, I started to don't really see the importance in it already. But yeah I do feel grateful when I passed my birthdays every year, cause I am grateful that I am still alive and being able to survive in this world.

I don't really expect much from my birthday. It's just me, ya' know? Not someone important. I don't like big big celebrations which make people to waste their effort, money and time on me. A simple one or even just a wish is enough. I am very grateful towards those who wished me, from 2 days before my birthday until today. I really really appreciate it. Thanks a lot.

My birthday wish for this year is really simple yet kinda hard to accomplish. I wish that everything will go on fine, without any major trauma, and that everyone will be happy, sound and safe. That's all. I know it's hard but I will still try my best to help out as much as I can. I will try to be there if anyone ever needs me. I will try my best in anything that I can help out. I will not stop praying for everything to be okay.

It's a short post. I will stop here and once again, THANKS so much for all of you who had wished me. It made me smile =)

Dear Blog....?

Erm no, I won't be saying this in the meantime.
Everything is changing.
Everything in me.
I never realised it until I actually sat down and think about it.
Throughly and seriously.

Is it a bad thing or a good one?
Who knows?
I just know that I need these changes to make me move forward.

Am I scared?
Yes.
Am I wanting it?
No.

Reality makes me changed.
I don't even have a choice.
Rather than escaping, I chosed to face it.
Which might just be the toughest decision I just made.
But I will take responsibility for it.
No matter how worn out I am,
Or how broken I am,
I will still be here,
For every moment,
As long as I am still standing here,
Firm and steady,
I got the confidence to continue facing it.

Again and again,
I tell myself that I am not strong.
That everything got a limit.
But I still believe in miracles.
I do believe in miracles.
Cause me myself had actually occured one.

No one knows what will happen to us tomorrow.
Everyday is a new day,
We should be feeling grateful to being able to at least face what we have to face.

What happens if tomorrow something happen?
You would never know right?
Looking at what's happening now,
It's hard for me to not to think about it.
I feel like I might lose everything suddenly.
Just like that.
Who knows?

So, at least,
Before anything happens,
Don't make yourself regret.
Live a life with no regrets.
Happiness is hard to gain,
But, at least,
Don't fill your life with regrets.

Things are actually not complicated.
It's US that made them complicated.
Why not,
Calm down and clear your mind before starting on stuff?
You must have a reason to live right?
Might it be for yourself, your loved ones or some other reasons,
Just don't live a life without any reason.

Everyone says I'm thinking too much.
I admit.
But still,
You can deny the fact that at least I had see a little bit more,
And I am a little bit more prepared.

Honestly,
I will not regret if suddenly anything happens to me now.
At this very moment.

I am who I am,
And I will do what I feel is right.
I migth not be perfect for you,
Which is understandable,
But, I am living a life I want now.
With no regrets.

So now,
I will continue to stand firm.
Believe in what I should believe.
Do what I should do.
Cherish what I should cherish.
And when I bid my farewell,
I will smile and say :

I've lived a great and awesome life

Mood had been running low lately, but I am sure it will come back soon. Vowing to change to a better person, I am certain that everything will go on well if me myself is handling myself well. But, as usual, easier to talk than to actually take action. I am not good in handling myself and I have emotional swings often. People who are close to me know this very well. I am very emotional in times but I am just not the type who will show whatever I am feeling out, especially when doing so will cause others to worry.

I believe all these nonsense will come to an end. I will try my best. Never stop reminding myself about the consequences or how stuff will end up if I don't do what I should do. It is enough to scare me off and in the same time, stress, tension and pressure just come crashing in. I know what I need, but the problem now is, how to get them? I need to change. I need to prevent myself from giving more unwanted attention to things that are not in my concern and most importantly, things I know will make me feel down.

I am writing here to serve as a self-reminder. I need to, or else I will never remember my promise towards myself. There's a lot of things going on in my mind now. Kinda pressured but anyhow, no matter how, I still have to face it. It's a no for escaping. And if I really do that and screw up everything, things will go downhill and I will regret and hate myself for a very long time. Thus, serve in the decrease of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Therefore, I am going to really buck up now. I did promise myself and yes, I will fulfill the promise.

I realised my problems had made lots of people worried. I feel so bad and so sorry for making you guys worry =( Now, not to say that I had completely cured but I am feeling slightly okay already. No more worries kay =) I will be back to the normal me soon enough. I don't know what went through my mind that time. It happened cause too many things came rushing towards me in one time. All these things are testing my responsibility towards me myself and also a lot of other things. They made me being unable to breath and I was so stressed out that I felt like dropping everything down and don't care about anything anymore. And to be frank, this morning, another burden was added to me once again. I felt really stressed out and my mind was being pressured all the time thinking that even though I managed to settle out this problem, another problem will occur, which is really true. Day before, I really thought I had lost my mind. Even now, I am still facing pressure. To be honest, I am not someone really great, ya' know. I can't settle too much things in one time by my own. This is just too much for me. What I want to do is only to focus on studies and do well in it. But the extra stuffs being added on to me make me really stress. I hope I can just drop and reject to do them but I just can't. They are all things I need to do or else a lot of bad things will happen. I don't want to specifically mention what I am facing now. But I can tell you, it requires a lot of work, time, passion and determination. I know I can't manage all of them. I know. And the worse of it, if I ever screw these up, life is going to be so much more tougher and I know it will be hard for me to regain all my confidence and passion once more.

Until now, I still don't know what I should do. I know there are always ways to solve the problem but still, the ways might not be applicable and in the end, I will still have to face all of them and lose something in the same time. I know this is a challenge or even a punishment for me. There's a lot of things running in my mind now. I know I have to solve it I just know. If I follow the flow, I will be ruining myself. I will definitely not do things I don't want to do cause I know things will not turn out well. But how to prevent this from happening? Sometimes it's not just only you who will decide out what you should and should not do you know? *sighs* I will still try my best. I really hope everything will turn out well in the end. But, don't worry about me guys. I will still be myself and I will still face things I have to face. I am feeling bad for making you worry and yeah, I will be okay. Cheers =)

Dear Blog,

It had been a while since I last wrote on something emotional like this. But this time, I really really need you to hear me out on what I have to say before I get tortured mentally. I don't know whether it's the effect of having never being able to face negative emotions for a really long time or it's just some other reason, but I really really feel all down and moodless for don't know how long. No matter how much I cover and how much I try to deceive myself, I still can feel what I am actually feeling, without fail, the fact that I am trying to escape from reality makes me feel worse.


It is my problem all along. I am the one who make myself feel so bad. I hated the me for being so useless to myself, even when I have to face tremendous things like this in my life. I know it is just a part of life. I know. But, sometimes, I just need someone or anyone considerate enough to remind me of it with some concern. I don't need a not-like-I-care look to make things worse. And of course I don't need a it's-none-of-my business-that's-just-your-life expression to make me feel like sleeping and never wake up again.


Yes, I know it's all my problem. These are all things I myself need to settle and it's just none of anyone's business. I have by no means of troubling people for things me myself have to deal with. It's just not right. And I am not in the position of ranting and complaining about stuffs that will make others to stress out with me as well. It's my problem, I face it myself, I settle it, I happy, and no one is going to get extra pressure on them. This is how it should work out.


But now, why am I so desperately need a hug? I want to cry on someone. Rant on someone. What I want and what I don't want is contradicting with each other now. What should I do? I don't want to involve anyone with stupid problems of mine but I actually want to express out what I feel.


Dear Blog,

Am I being immature? Am I being selfish? Why must I act like this? Why must I bring unnecessary troubles into my life? Why must I make my own life so miserable? Why must I fuss over things like that?


Dear Blog,

Tell me, WHAT HAPPENED TO ME? Where is Lim Su Wern? What happened to 'I will work hard and try my best in everything'? What happened to determination and passion? What is going to happen to me?


Perhaps, this situation will only last for a while. But, anyhow, this situation had been troubling people and making people worry. I am useless. Yes, I admit it. I am not deceiving myself. I am lack of determination, lack of passion and useless. I can't even conquer my own thoughts and own feelings. It's a total failure. I am being a failure before everything even starts.


Dear Blog,

If you ever find back this blog owner, please encourage her to be more tough, like what she promised before. Please tell her that everything is just a challenge and it will come and go as if no one is going to care about it. Please tell her that she got people who actually care about her and wants her to regain her normal self.


Dear Blog,

I am ending my post now and I hope I won't be writing to you again for a long time. Thanks for listening to my rantings =)

Late update! But I will still date this post as yesterday's post kekeke. Wondering why I did not update yesterday? I was too tired ( I also don't know why ), feel like doing nothing except rolling on the bed. Argh yes yes a sin! How can I do that when I got mountain high stuff to do?! (>.<) Anyway, here's some update about yesterday, which eventually, was yet another memorable day experienced by tomato and me =D

Classes were from 8.00 a.m. to 6.00 p.m. To me still, the class is okay. I don't even mind to stay in college for the whole day. Weird I know, but that's how I work. Anyhow, we were facing this awful jam on the way to college, and yeah, which caused us to be late for class urgh. I think we were late for around 20 minutes *sighs* However, I think the most kesian person is Kok Han. Imagine facing the jam all the way from Old Klang Road to Subang, then jam again from my house to college. If me I will become fed up also argh.

Following classes were normal. Journalism made me feel more tension, or maybe fired up in the same time due to the workload (>.<) But somehow, I like Ms.Nalena's class. It's like, I don't really know how to describe it but it's more like a college lecture to be exact =) In TV/Video Production class, we learned bout the camera. You know those big big cameras used in the studios for shooting? Yup, those cameras. Kinda interesting actually hehe. Marketing, for me, it's another Psychology class. I'm not talking about the content of the subject but in how the class is conducted by Mr.Alvin. It's similar to Psychology class but in addition, we get to watch different types of advertisements which are related to the content of the subject. Hehe. That's a nice one, really =)

Okay, so after classes, it was time to go home. And, somehow, the car battery just decided to die and apparently, it won't start *bitter smile* Some people came for our aid but the car still decided to remain silent. Urgh. So in the end, my dad came for our help by jumping-start the car with the cable. LOL. Sharing is caring. In this case, sharing battery LOL! Everything was okay and vrrooommmm! It's really a small matter so don't feel so bad about it, kay? It's nothing. Even my dad also said don't mention it *hugs*

There ends another memorable day XD

Upper Left : Kok Han, Edmond, Kuan Zee, Kit Yew.
Lower Left : Hui Ling, Felicity, Shino, Mallory.


The past and upcoming birthday bash for January babies in Italiannes, Sunway Pyramid was awesome. The part of meeting and gathering again with high school's close friends made me love the day so much. It was lame yet sweet and fun. What can I hope more for having the best people in my life celebrating my upcoming birthday together with the other January babies. It was truly touching and fantastic. It was a really great moment spent with the close ones and it made the celebration much more meaningful.




The laughters, the lame-ness, the sweat-ness, the love. Blend them all together and it will give you something extraordinary. I totally appreciate the moments spent together and the bonds made, which are something I never really expect myself to have it. I can never ever imagine my life without these wonderful people. People I love and cherish. I know one day, we might be apart, far away from each other but now, we are still together and it's for me to cherish every moment we can spend with each other.





The January Babies : Hui Ling, Felicity, Shino, Mallory


The day was awesome. No need me to say much. It showed all our bonds managed to stay tight and deep even though we did not contact each other much due to our own diverted lives. And once I brought darling dear into my closest bonds with others, I feel that we are much more closer to each other now. And I learned to appreciate whatever I have more now. It comes and goes, without giving you much warning.

We should really have more gatherings like this, don't you think so? =)

Photos are credited to their respectful owners -- Felicity and Hui Ling.

Thanks for the great moments and hope that our bonds will always remain tight and deep throughout our whole lifetime =)


p/s : More photos on Facebook =)

Omigosh! I am going mad soon! Pressure, tension and stress is driving me mad. I mean, not the workload is stressing me out but my family is stressing me out! OMG, I think I am going crazy soon. I feel so much pressure that I feel like sleeping everytime, which eventually won't bring me anywhere cause it won't help at all. They frequent reminder of : If you don't do well on this, then you must (fill in the blank yourself) is really driving me nuts. I don't mean to complain so much bout stuffs here but seriously I really really need to express it out or else I will really go insane grrrr =.= I don't know la , it sounds so much like threatening that make me really hard to breath. It's like, everytime my parents nag me or worse, warn me, I will feel so much pressure. Even by just looking at their annoyed or mmsong face I will feel pressured. Oh dear la , how to manage things like this?! Seriously. Actually what I really want to say is : I know what I am doing and I will make sure it will be the best when I am the one doing it. But obviously they won't trust me so easily, evern after I really show them the outcome. I know I am not trustable. Cause, in my parents' opinion, being a good child = stay at home everyday and face the book only. But how?! So many assignments and projects which require me to go out there. And once again, in my parents mom's opinion, going out = play. I need to convince my parents that I am no more a small kid and I KNOW how to think for myself.

A quick and short update before I entertain my bed =) No classes for today and I was complaining about the overheating weather today which eventually woke me up this morning. Yes it was THAT hot. Everyone's been complaining bout it XD So since it was a holiday, my dad decided to take me to make a new spectacle. My current poor old spec is already 3 years old and it's telling me that he need to retire soon (>.<) So off we go to.. PJ. Don't ask me why so far, my dad got his reason =p I was actually quite surprised when I found out that my power had not been increasing nor decreasing for 3 whole years. I thought it's gonna increase for sure. Phew. Anyway, new spec will be ready this Saturday though hehe. One reason why I wanted to make a new one is because I really need a nice spectacle for my eyes when my eyes refuse the contact lenses to visit them. Yup, that's the reason. Besides, it had been 3 years! Time for a new one, don't ya think? Hehe.

So that's all la for now. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day XP

This semester sure is going to be hectic. What are you doing Lim Su Wern? I love to learn all the subjects but the workload... Urgh forseeing it to be a lot heavier than previous semesters *sobs* Luckily it's a long semester, or else seriously I will be like super no life. Now at least still got some life *grins* Okay, realising myself with super bad English up there, just ignore it kay hehe.

So apparently, 2 major subjects came in this semester, which will be Journalism and TV/Video Production. It's kinda fun ya know, these 2 subjects, except that the workload is a lot and kinda hard to score *sighs* Anyhow, just gonna try my best =) It wasn't a good starting for certain subjects but what done is done and now just going to concentrate on what's coming up. Focus and Concentrate. Most important thing. Be alert. Another important thing. I hope to erase but oh well, let's see how luck plays it's part now *grins*

Obviously it's gonna be so tough this semester. So MUCH MORE tougher. I am concerning a lot on a lot of things, but it's so tough I think I will rant more this semester. Argh guess you will see the harsh and annoying me this semester more (>.<) But anyhow, I will still do what I must do and really make sure it's the best that I can give out. Take it seriously, my gosh. I am so still in relaxed mood now what am I thinking =.= *punches self* Ahem. Okay, serious serious. What am I doing talking to myself here anyway? I think I am going insane. Yeah I think I am @.@

Some update I guess? XP Today is the first day of college's reopen. I remember during the starting of the holiday, I was ranting about how long can the holiday be; end of November, I was ranting about how bored the holiday can be; and finally end of December, I was screaming in my heart on finally the holiday is coming to an end. I know I might get lots of glaring, hissing or naggings when I say this but that was really how I feel. I guess I am really not used to lay-back-life XD But that doesn't mean my holiday was not a fruitful one.

During the 2-months-holiday, I tried working and I had the bestest time I can ever had with darling, buddies and friends. It was a time of more bondings and more new experiences to be absorbed. And indeed, it was fruitful enough cause I gained so much more things which I can't really describe here but are so meaningful and so precious =) Rotting much? Not exactly, to be precise. Rotting little? Maybe.

So a new road had indeed been revealed today and I had indeed started on it. I am considering college life as the best studying path I had ever been. I love the environment, the people, the inside jokes, the lecturers, practically everything. Yeah I know the timetable is kinda crappy and stuff (with 6-8 hours straight of classes 3 days in a week =S) but somehow, to me, I don't really mind it at all. Yeah attention might be diverted halfway through classes, but for me, it was really okay. It's not like we won't be having any breaks right? So, yeah =)

Talking bout subjects, I certainly hope it won't be as heavy as last semester but I am sure everything won't just go perfect, as in, how we hope it will be. But anyhow, I will still try my best like how I used to do. Focus and be sure of own's target. I believe firmly that, as long as we tried our best, the outcome won't be too disappointing to us. It's another journey, catch the point, try your best, and excel =) Personally, I am interested in all the subjects. Yeah, no kidding. I want to learn as much as I can for the sake of the knowledge. I know it's hard, definitely it is but somehow, I got a feeling, that for this semester, everything will go well as long as we try hard. That's how I feel lar .

Basically nothing much on the first day. As usual. So I guess I will update more later hehe. Crappy, yes I know (>.<)