For all those I had done and had not done. I feel lost in times that explains frequent emotional breakdowns. I really don't know how to face certain things in times and I am so scare that anything will go wrong. I hate myself sometimes for being such a failure in everything. When can I ever stop hurting others? Especially the person I love so much, how can I hurt him due to my own irresponsibility? I am in such a mess. I hate the way I am facing things now. It's such a mess. And it seriously killing me. I am in confusion. I don't know where to go anymore. Every step I took seems to be so wrong it can kill me. I guess this is what I get for hurting people? If so, I am not blaming anyone else. I deserve it and I should take it. It's just fair.

Everything seems to be coming to and end. In a blink of eye, the last week of semester 4 is in front of me. How to say this... It's so awesomely fast. How come? Because we are busy? Or is it something else?

I did something extremely stupid today. And I swear I won't do that again. The split moment of fear. The fear of going to lose something extremely important to you. Thinking about it makes me wanna cry. How can I do something like that? It's just.. WRONG. I overdid. I seriously... must understand that there's a limit to everything. I must not take everything for granted. Wake up, Su Wern :(

Awesome week. And it continues. I was so half-dead whenever I got home and thankfully I am having my energy now so I can actually work. Aloha! :D :D This week, will be the last week... hopefully :D Research paper is coming to an end and this week will be the last week to sum up everything. Kinda exciting, don't you think? Well, to me, it is :) I am kinda hyper to conclude everything up and seriously, I wonder what will come out. Awesome :D But it is still undeniable that tonight will be a long night. Visual Novels will accompany me throughout the night, which, it's awfully awesome :D I should love tonight a lot, like seriously :P

I won't deny the fact that life is awesome, and I won't deny the fact that life is sometimes awful as well. Every ups and downs come without giving you any warning. For the past few days, I had been in tension mode and worrying a lot bout things. I can seriously tell you that the past 5 days were awful days for me. I broke down twice in my own room, and I broke down the very first time in front of tomato. I totally hate the feeling when depression strikes without warning. But it's all the past. As hard as it could be, it's over. The feeling when you are having depression is seriously unbearable. I had been searching and searching for so long yet I couldn't find myself a perfect solution. Nothing's perfect anyway. But I am really grateful that I still have a shoulder to cry on whenever I am having depression :)

If you had seen me for the past 2 days, including today, you will see how dreadful I look like. And yes, my immune system tumbles at last and I was experiencing the increase of heat within me. But I can still endure it, no worries. It's suffering yes, but well, it will be gone soon, I know it will :)

Next week will be another hectic week omigosh but it's the weekend! I am going to give myself maybe a 2 days rest before I go back to work. I seriously, desperately, need rest :S Oh, in another note, my relatives are here in my house and it makes my house so awesomely cramp. I really need my sleep now. I am not going to think about anything regarding to work and I really need my sleep or else I will be mentally and physically sick soon :S Toodles!

Life is giving me a hard time. It contains so many ambiguous meanings it is making me confuse. I find myself constantly lost and am really confuse with my own state. I might be thinking too much. But even if it is so, I won't want to care about it but now, it is engulfing my emotions and mind I can't really leave it aside. It is so torturing at times. I find myself standing in front of lots of parted pathways, without knowing or believing which is the best path to take. It is affecting me a lot. Is this part of growing mature? I don't know. If it is, it is so hard to become mature, isn't it?

This week is going to be a tiring week. Hectic. Today, really. I can't sleep last night and I wonder why. And the workload just keeps coming in. Non-stop. I am awesomely tired. But, there's work to be done and yup, definitely will do it. I have to start getting use to working at night now. Although my bed keeps on seducing me whenever I see it, but, haha, I will still entertain it once in a while when I am really too tired. I use to complain how sleeping wastes my time and all but now, I really really need it. I even find sleeping to be one of the best thing to do in my life. This is not suppose to be a hectic semester. But, oh well, with no challenge, where's the fun? With no fun, where's the life? Yes, it's hectic but we will make it fun in the same time. I, to be honest, just will not do things which I don't like. Even if I started off not liking it, I will make it to something I want to do. It's just not my style and it's against my principle to do things that I dislike. Life is so short, why so hard to yourself? Enjoy :) Make life contented :P

Yesterday was yet another awesome day. It was an unplanned plan when we ( me, Kok Han, Ivan, Weng Loong, Afiqah, Yika ) decided to make our way up Bukit Tinggi a.k.a. Berjaya Hills Resort for our photoshoot for our campaign. And yeah, it was yet another awesome day with the Nothing Box + Yika to the extent that I felt like I was there for a one-day-trip.

The photoshoot plan was planned though. At around 9.45 a.m. in the morning, Kok Han, Ivan, Fiqah, and Yika met up in my house and we went over to Subang Ria to look at the environment. It was disappointing =/ And so, we decided to go to KLCC but halfway through it, we decided to go up to Bukit Tinggi, due to its nice photoshoot environment :P We went back to Klang to borrow Ivan's cousin's GPS and when we asked help from Weng Loong, he decided to tag along :P It was so awesomely much more fun when he tagged along. It also helped us a lot in guiding us uphill and seriously, for a split moment, I thought I was on a roller coaster ride. It was awesomely fun XD

So we reached our destination at around 2.30 p.m. and we started off our photoshoot in the Japanese Garden. Pictures will not be posted up though. But if you are interested, come visit our booth @ 30th June 2010 ( Wednesday ) in Inti Subang Jaya haha! We will be doing our presentation and there is where all the pictures will go :D But here's some personal pictures which I can show. These pictures won't be going to the slideshow though :P




The souvenir shop



The usual awesome tomato :P






I nearly fainted when I saw tomato's rebranded style :D :D Anyhow, we got all our pictures there and it was so awesome. We really had a good time in the garden :) And so, our next stop is the France village. I felt like I had set foot into a different country when we went in there. It was so nice and so not-our-country, and of course, it is an awesome place for more photoshoot :P








The three machos of the day :P From left : Ivan, Weng Loong and Kok Han







Tomato is natural cute, get me? :P




There's not much pictures here, cause the others are all going into the slideshow :P I will post the remaining pictures up on Facebook after 30th June 2010. It should be a surprise! :D So I shouldn't break it now :p Anyhow, it was really an awesome day. See? We can enjoy and do our work in the same time. It's just the best way to work :D Hopefully we can have more trips like this in the future. Haha totally looking forward to it :P

Today is like awesomely awesome :D First of all, when tomato and I were on the way to college, we got to know that Public Relations class is canceled because our lecturer is on MC. Urgh it's not exactly an awesome to be get awesome over of but I was so not in the mood to study or absorb anything at the time thus I assume it to be awesome :P After class, went to submit the reply slip for the Academic Award Presentation and off we went to serve our tummy :) Sushi King as usual bahahaha. And later on, off for sponsor-hunting :) No luck in malls though, but yeah we were blessed :) Was really feeling awesome and lucky and grateful for all that we got. And really, although my feet hurts due to all the walking, I feel so awesome now :P And I felt so pregnant thanks to tomato who treated me with so much cautious like I am having some kind of injury. So sweet can! :D :D I feel so loved :P Okay. Pending work to be done, tata for now! :D

Today is an awesome day. Like, seriously awesome awesome :) I drove my family out for dimsum at USJ 21 and later on to IOI Mall in Puchong. Feeling so proud muahaha and yeah, I feel my driving skill getting more and more stable. Haha of course the more experience you get, the more you know how to handle the driving situation :) Feeling contented :P

We spent like lots and lots in IOI Mall. I bought my heels and formal attires, my sis got the clothing she wants and my dad got his shoe as well, like finally lol! It was an awesome day. I really feel contented and so much more better than the days before. Family bonding :) I hope my tomato was there with me as well. But, oh well, there's always next time :)

Brief update. I am suppose to be in my hometown now but now I am comfortably resting in my own awesome room. Yes. The only place which I claim to be the best part of my house (for me :P). Anyhow, past few days were torturing, with all different pressures pouring in in the same time, but I think I survived. Not all though. Some I am still having doubts, like my academic. Omigosh. Whenever I think about it I feel like jumping out of the window =/ I sometimes doubt if I am in the right path or whether I am doing the right thing or not? I might do mistakes at times but I pray hard it won't send me straight to abyss with no chance given :( Anyhow, hopefully things would be clear by next week. I was having a doubtful week. Of course I wish everything will be fine or else I will be seriously strangling myself. Life's tough, isn't it?

I guess the use of mask is no more unfamiliar with us, right? Or maybe if you do not know what I mean here, I simply means, usually a person will possess different masks to be use in different occasions; which to be more specific, different person will portray different personalities in different occasions base on different reasons, either to be like, or to meet people's expectation and so on.

Well, actually, I use to be like that also. But I got tired of it. It's a new realization that I never realize I do until today, after I see all the different attitudes people had shown me, or had been hiding for me, or is afraid to show me, or is showing behind my back and so forth, which I really do not want to know, because every single message about me hurts me so much I tend to lose trust in people. The point is, I find myself becoming more and more original now. I use to put on masks, but now, I don't see the need of it anymore. Yes, maybe it's needed in certain occasions but I am trying my best not to put on any mask in any occasion. I mean, why live life so tough? Just be true to everyone you meet and yourself. If you are portray-able, why bother using mask? It makes you look so fake, right? Okay. Maybe this is a bit harsh but, what are you afraid of showing people? Why can't you be true to everyone including yourself? What are you scare of? If you want to be the best, I don't see any need for a mask. If you really determine to be the best person to yourself, why bother with mask?

I don't know whether you get my point or not, but I am living life more hectic or even more natural now because I decided to stop putting on mask. Like, I will say it out loud; Don't like, also I will say it out loud. I still have my say on this, right? I am also a human anyway, and human have every rights to like or dislike something. Life is not fair. A lot of things had been proving this right the whole time. But no matter what, in the end, people who do unfair stuff to people will meet their own destiny. I don't care. I live my life, I have my own life to protect, why must I bother so much about yours? Even if you do not respect me, or trying to play some tricks behind me, I will make sure I return what you gave me back to you. You mark my words. I do not say anything does not mean I do not know. I have been tolerating because I simply does not want any conflict to occur. But that does not mean that I have forget about it. It's not erasable. Once you do it, there's no turning back. In this, I am very particular. I really do not appreciate people who does not appreciate what I do for them. Make sense, right? It's just like would you treat your enemy good that kind of thing. Seriously, these accumulate inner conflict really starts to get on my nerve already. I might be tolerating, but please do understand that there's limit to everything. Remember where to draw your line.