I fell. You saw. But you ignored.
It was heartbroken. Completely.

It was just a small incident but it hurt me. A lot.
I know I shouldn't be bugged with stuff like this but ouch, it hurts.
It still do.

I keep quiet doesn't mean that I don't know.
I just want to give you another chance.
Just because I believe in you. I have my trust in you.

But no. It does not worth anything.
Everything's useless.
In the end of the day, you left me alone to die.

Bystander effect.
That's what you call it.
It hurts a lot when people that should help did not.
But it hurts more when the person who gave you the best words in the whole world ignored you.

Ouch.

It's currently 1.18 a.m. in the morning and am still wide awake.

8.00 a.m. IMC test tomorrow. Current progress: Just finished with note-taking and scanning through.

There's so many things on the to-do list and I'm trying very hard to ignore the heaviness of each element so that I can prevent myself from feeling the pressure and stress.

Most importantly, I'm in a good mood for work now so I don't want to spoil the mood with unnecessary self-stressing moments.

I'm fine with being loaded with things I like to do instead of things I don't like to do.

Well, who don't? But actually, it's just the constant moving progress that is giving me the satisfaction. No more panic attacks. Hopefully. No more self-pressured moments. Hopefully.

It's a quiet night. It had been a while. Time for work.

Actually I did updated my blog. But just that there are things not meant to be told or mentioned so all the posts are currently in draft.

I love the idea of freedom of speech on the cyber world but it just doesn't work right. Pity.

Anyhow I got so much to update and so much to tell that I don't know where to start first. Oh, perhaps this?

Was involved with Miss Universe Malaysia 2012 Roadshow @ Sunway Pyramid for the last weekends and learned tons from it. Can you imagine Andrea Fonseka, National Director of Miss Universe Malaysia, sitting right next to me and talking to me constantly like there's no barrier at all? I was so stressed up talking to a person like her especially when questions were asked. But it was an awesome experience and feeling to be so near to someone so 'hard-to-approach'. There was so many stuffs going around and the experience was really fruitful. Hope to have more opportunities like this in the future :)

Assignments are done for now but projects are yet to come. This is hectic. But anyhow, this whole week was hectic. Satisfied for some, but unsatisfied with some. It's such an imbalance feeling sometimes I get tired with it. Both extremes. Eew.

But everything will be better. I firmly believe it and I know everything will work out just fine. I just need to get a grip on myself :)

My blog is so dead for the time being but no worries, I'm still alive and hopping :)

Things are a bit imbalance these days. Both the extremes. Experienced.

But I grow up from all of them and am still fine and jumpy with life.

Yesterday was extremely horrible. Lost in my own thoughts, lost in my own view.

The whole world seemed to crumble on me and left me alone.
It was all darkness. The only thought I had was to isolate myself from the whole world.

Perhaps at that moment of time I just want to forget about my own existence and just disappear.

I just want to escape from reality and just forget about everything.

That's just life.

That's a reminder I have to keep to myself.

There's a lot of imbalance within myself these days.

Sometimes lost somewhere. Really scary moments.

But today am just fine.

Slapped myself awake from reality and,

'Hey! I'm alive.'

I don't want to lose myself anymore.

I'll just be who I am and do what I want to do.

Life is simply too short to waste time on doing things that has no meanings to it.

Last week was tremendously hectic! I swear to myself it has nothing to do with time management. No matter how hard I tried to manage my time in the best way I can ever managed, the workload is still piling up like nobody's business.

First phase of awesomely hectic college days -- Done.

The positive part is, I learned a lot of new stuffs, including risk management. Yes. Risk management. How to handle things that came in last minute and knowing that the percentage of having it well done is almost near 20%. But I survived. Not only survived, but I went better than I thought. I think I deserve a clap *claps* okay. Perhaps I will just clap for myself.

The negative part is, I am officially registered as a walking zombie with insufficient sleep. The thing that happened to me constantly was panic attack. Woke up from a short sleep and found myself worrying about tons of things to the extent I didn't know which to focus on first because everything is equally important and that I just... panic. But thank goodness I got my senses back within minutes and drove my engine on. Yes. A side effect of panic attack is the constant blank mind situation I get in. Brain being unprocessed is the worst thing I would ever want to experience. Argh. But it's all over. Let's just take this as a good experience and learn from it :)

Second phase of college life is just about to start and I already foresee what's in front of me. But for now, I just need my rest so badly. Toodles! Have a great Sunday ahead. Me? Laptop again heeee. Oh perhaps some shopping. Who knows? :)

p/s: Cutie got a new house with double layers and a hiding hut! :D

Sometimes, it's really just a matter of courage, of believing, and of passion.
Certain times we stop our pace because we are afraid that we are doing the wrong thing.
Aren't we all the same?
The fear in ourselves. The hesitations. The doubts.

Sometimes we simply think too much.

I think that's pretty normal. Especially when we have too many important decisions to make and when we tend to overthink stuff.

Normal everyday routine.

If only. If only. We can just do anything we want without much worries and hesitations, it would be so much simpler. But nah, life won't be interesting anymore.