It was a slow breeze. I can hear nothing but the sound of the waves hitting the shore.

"Does reality hit you?"

"But it will. One day. It will."

I know. But I'm not ready yet. Not now.

I am alone. In a room. Nothing but darkness. Silence.

I hope that, when I wake up in the morning, everything is just a dream.

Reality hits. Hard.

In less than two weeks time, my diploma study life will be officially an epilogue. Although there's still internship left but no more sitting in the classroom listening to all the weird jokes; no more relaxing and hanging out for assignments. Man this is really moving too fast.

Slow down, time!

I still remember. Two years back then. My first day in college. The first time I sit in the classroom for the first class during my first semester.

So much had changed.

The question here is, did I changed? Of course.
Diploma life. What can I say? There were lots of ups and downs. Lots of awesome memories. Lots of bitter ones as well. I think I've grown tougher. I think I've grown up a bit. Sometimes things like these are really ambiguous. I can't really tell if I had grown up because I won't know it myself. But I know that I had been through a lot. A lot of unstable moments in myself. A lot of unsure thoughts. They are still inside me. Perhaps that's the only part about myself that had never changed. To be honest, I am glad that I had gone through my Diploma life. I've known lots of different people. You may hate me, dislike me, but I'm still glad to had known you.

Most importantly, I've learned so much. Both studies and personal growth.

I'm glad. And sad. That it's going to be over soon. Another chapter to be revealed. Now I just need to pen in a proper ending for this chapter :)

You know the feeling when suddenly nothing matters anymore? You just don't care anymore. Suddenly there's no meaning to things anymore.

The first time when it occurred, it hurts a lot.

The second time, it still hurts.

The third time, it still hurts.

But after the fourth, the fifth, the sixth, and many many more times, I feel numb to the feeling already. Sometimes I wonder if the feelings had just disappeared. Or just that I don't feel the importance anymore. Or I simply just don't want to care anymore.

Because. Truth be told. When you care, it hurts. And everything becomes better once you start ignoring things. But is it really good to ignore things? I know the answer perfectly well. But I can't help it. I've endured enough pain and depression that sometimes I feel like just let it go. You know, just ignore it. Don't care about it.

Sometimes I just feel like, when it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

No point I pour in so much feelings just to get hurt every single time.

I had not sit down and think about this problem properly. Nope.

But it's bugging me. Very often.

I've tried to forgive and forget. But sometimes it won't work. The scar has been created. And it will always be there no matter how much you want it to disappear.

When there's a scar, there will be pain.

I feel it. Very frequently.

Don't make a wild guess. Don't start rumors because of this post. Because I don't need more hassle hearing unnecessary stuffs flying around. And when it's there. I know.

I know I had been disappearing for a looooooooooooooooong time. My apologies, I'm beaten. I've been so busy with tons of stuffs that there's no chance at all for me to slower down my pace.

Anyhow, there had been lots of things going on in the past weeks. No worries. Updates will be done as soon as I got the time. One thing I want to say here is that my final semester in IICS is going to end soon. Another week time and I won't be sitting in the classroom listening to the usual jolly lectures anymore.

That's just sad.

Time flies, isn't it?

The worst thing is, sometimes I'm just lost. Perhaps not lost. Unclear. Yes. That's the word.

I know partly is my own fault.

But sometimes you just get the feeling.

The feeling of just hoping to be blanked out.

Hoping to just get out of the current situation.

And thinking of the consequences just makes everything worse.

It's too late to do anything about it for now.

What I can do now, is no more prevention, but recovery.