Degree is really giving me a hit! It's kinda imbalance, no? Focus & emphasis in the wrong sectors. Flip up & down! But am coping with it and definitely finding it interesting. Like I said, imbalance. A bit too much there and a bit too little there. Sometimes I don't even know how to manage my priorities correctly.

"She needs to sort out her priorities."

Quote by Weasley can be applied heavily on me these days. Everything seems to important and everything seems not important. Owh man, I sure hope there's a balance in everything. Give & take :)

One week holiday starting today! What's your plan? I know mine! -- Gonna stay at home and be an obedient couch potato. Books; games; musics; series; TV. Guiltiness should stay out of my door step for these one week! Till then!

Emotionally imbalance. At certain times I will just go "__________". Hibernation. I can feel the brain working, twisting, building up more juices and junks. But emotionally and physically, everything just go numb.

Have you ever been in a situation when you do not know how to resolve the conflicts between yourself? I do. Almost all the time. Terrifying, isn't it? But it has become something so natural to me that it accompanies me wherever I go.

Am I going to have split personalities soon? Or perhaps I already have split personalities.

There are times when I simply don't care. Throwing the conflicts and confusions aside. Forgetting. Powerful, but with consequences.

Is that the right thing to do? At that moment, it seems to be the right thing to do. But how about the consequences?

I'm no superior than others. I just want to answer to myself. To do things that I won't regret.

Sometimes people pat me on my shoulder and say :"You are too much of a fighter." I agree. But I'm not a fighter to defeat or compete with anyone. I'm a fighter for freedom and peace. Internal peace. Peace of mind. I only urge for something that will not disturb the balance of my emotion. And sometimes I choose to back out. To ignore. And to forget (if can).

Time will solve everything. Some stuff dissolves over time. Some take years. Some never. But when I know that no one is taking any steps in resolving the issue, I will take my step. And no one can say anything. Because I'm trying. You don't.

It's simple. The advice I always remind myself: "Don't think too much. Just do what you think is right. Answer to yourself."

And yes. No matter how much we try to change, we will always be ourselves. There will still be certain elements that only you possess. I'm so complicated. I doubt anyone will understand me.I change too constantly. Some people told me I'm the most unpredictable person they've ever met. It's an Aquarian trait haha!

Cheers! :)

Recently, I've been slapped my someone. Not physically, but mentally. Reality.

Recently, I stopped thinking too much and analyze too much.

Recently, I've been only doing things my heart tells me to do, no matter what's the consequences are.

And surprisingly, the outcome is great. I'm happy. After so long, I'm actually... happy.

Happy. Not in the sense of having the best, positive mood all the time; but it's the fact that I feel that I had been doing things that I want for myself. Things that I feel right. Things that will work most. And most importantly, everyone is happy. I am happy.

And it makes me think. This time in a good way of analyzing things.

And I realized that I got the answer all along, just that my egoism had overtook me and blinded me from seeing the solution to everything.

Don't compare with others. I had been compared for the rest of my life and this time, I only have one person I want to compare with -- myself. Because I have only myself to answer to. No one else.

Self-reminder: Always be myself. Don't die a copy. Be original.

p/s: A lot of issues like.... this. Stop stepping on people's head. Everyone is equal. No one is more superior than the other. No one. Allowing emotional to get on to you doesn't lead you anywhere. Think.

Elo! It's the end of the 2nd week of degree. Workload piling up as usual but it might be weird to hear me saying this I'm enjoying my degree so far. The pressure is definitely there but as usual, it's just being me.

So eventually, I have another blog and twitter accounts to be kept active. Was so paranoid that I would post in the wrong accounts that I have to double check the user name before I type in anything. Aiks.

Enough say.

I'm such a hardworking blogger... no. I'm just having this blogging mood now so I shall blog. It's 12.46 a.m. and I should belong to the bed now but no, the cyberspace is captivating me and I am hooked here, with multiple tabs opened in Google Chrome.

Something seems to be wrong with the internet connection today. It's just way too slow, slower than usual. Perhaps I'm the only one having this problem because apparently, everyone's connection speed seems fine.

I'm not going to rant about life this time. I just want to be myself back and yes, overthinking ruins everything. In certain senses. When you are too focused on the small details, you are not able to see the big picture; but if you are too focused on the big picture, you tend to ignore important small details. It's hard to get the balance. But try. I'm trying :)

Stepping over the first week of degree and I am glad to say that I am still not losing the study mood even being out of the study atmosphere for almost 4 months. Degree is definitely tougher, a great test for the passion and determination of one to strive it. But still, I will always stay true to my study motto: work hard, play hard; work smart, play smart.

Have you compared international companies and government-oriented/local companies? This was a random conversation topic that happened earlier today. It is really amazing how these two very different type of companies are embedded with a totally different lifestyle. Not going to burst the suspense here with boring words, but try, try comparing, and be awed :)

Evolution to Revolution. An awesome tagline for the movie "Rise of the Planet of the Apes". Watched it just because Tom Felton is in there, but the movie proved to me that there are more awesome elements to watch and expect from the movie besides of Tom Felton alone. Somehow, the tagline did caught my attention. But don't get me wrong, not the impression that humans are going to turn back into apes or anything. What I meant was a different type of evolution and a different type of revolution.

Being me, I'm just so use to think too much of complicated stuff and developing my own theory.

Humans started off being perceived as the most intelligent living thing on the planet. As a result, many inventions are created and humans' lifestyle has improved. But from what I can see, humans are definitely going towards the road of revolution. Desires in humankind start to stem ferociously. They are starting to lose control. And as the end result, chaos, wars, and unpleasant situations happen.

Think about it. It's so hard to put all that are in my head into great words to describe how I actually feel. In short, human's intelligence is dropping. We are magnifying details that are not worth mentioning, especially the negative traits of one person, and using these as weapons to attack others. Instead of acting as one, we are treating each other as 'foreigners'. Why?

Learn to let go. Maybe this is the best advice I can give to myself. Things change. That's definite. And we have no rights to change anyone but ourselves.

Remember I blogged previously regarding the past 10 years versus the present 10 years? In here. Just to share a bit of thoughts.

As far as I remembered, I never thought I would end up here. Currently doing a Degree in Communication, majoring in Marketing Communication. Marketing. That's the last ever thing I want to do, or even something I never expected myself to be doing. I never see myself in Marketing. I always presume it to be boring, dull, uninteresting. Me, never get along with something that is unchangeable and dull.

But see where I am now.

I remembered I wanted to pursue my education in Japan. In the production line. Doing the behind-the-scene job. Writing scripts, voice-over, storyboards, directing. I had and still have the strong passion towards these jobs. Japan is always a faraway dream. A destination. I'm just impressed. Really did. With the culture, the amazing plots they always manage to come out with. Somehow, Japan's production is different for me. They are seldom seen under the glamorous light. But the ideas, the essence of the production that they are able to come out with is so fascinating. They are something you would never thought of or even something that you think it would be too absurd to present to the audiences.

It's crazy. But it's unique. I like.

Meanwhile, Marketing is totally different. There are sets of rules to follow; expectations to meet; and sometimes you are even forced to do things that are against your own will; things that you don't want to do. Honestly, even now, I had been thinking, why did I end up here?

There are a lot of reasons why I did not manage to pursue my studies in Japan. Financial. One of it. Another, my family and even myself think that it's not the time yet. Perhaps I am not matured enough. To make such a huge decision that could lead me anywhere. What if it's the wrong path? What if everything is not as how I thought it could be?

A lot of considerations, but very little time.

That was the main reason I had chosen Mass Communication (or simply, communication) as a course to study. I always want to do broadcasting. But perhaps not here. Then commitments came in. There's still a lot of consideration going on. For me, it's definitely worth it for my every try that I decide on my own. But let's not be selfish. What about the people around me?

I love communication. I love the whole idea of it. I still love it now even when I've already started my degree. I never regretted my own choice. Perhaps one day, I should do something crazy. Like, seriously crazy. Then, my life is complete :)

Hel...lo. Weather is scorchingly HOT. Try standing for 5 minutes under the burning sun, I guarantee (if you cannot endure heat) you will faint and (if you can endure the heat) you will get a tan so dark you wouldn't believe it yourself. A bit over-exaggerated. But trust me, please take this small advice from me to stay indoor for the next hour (unless you really want to get some tan).

First day of degree! Media Audiences is giving me history; Global Network is improving my social communication skills; and Advertising makes me feel like I am in diploma all over again. The statement above summarizes my brief thoughts of all three papers. Bombarded with assignments, theoretically, and senses a lot of reading to be done.

I hope degree will be great. Most importantly, I hope I can learn something from it.

p/s: I'm getting a sore throat reaaaaaaaaal soon :(